10 Ways We Avoid Feeling Our Feelings (and Why That Needs to Change)

Emotions are meant to move. They’re signals, carrying information about our needs, desires, and wounds. But many of us—whether consciously or unconsciously—develop ways to avoid feeling them. Maybe emotions felt too overwhelming or unsafe at some point, or maybe we just never learned what to do with them. Either way, instead of experiencing and processing our emotions, we often sidestep them.

Here are 10 ways we disconnect from our emotions and why that might be keeping us stuck.

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1. Rationalizing & Intellectualizing

When we intellectualize, we turn feelings into thoughts. Instead of feeling anger, sadness, or fear, we analyze the situation logically, explaining why we feel this way rather than actually sitting with the emotion.

Example: "It makes sense that I’m sad because XYZ happened," instead of actually allowing the sadness to be felt in the body.

It’s a clever trick—if we can explain our feelings, we don’t have to feel them. But emotions don’t work that way. They don’t resolve through logic. They resolve through expression.

2. State Changing (Self-Soothing or Numbing Behaviors)

State changing is when we try to shift our internal emotional state quickly, often through external means. This could be food, alcohol, social media, exercise, sex, or even meditation (when used as a way to bypass emotions rather than integrate them).

Example: Feeling anxious and immediately reaching for a glass of wine or going for a run instead of pausing to acknowledge what's happening inside.

While self-soothing isn’t inherently bad, when it becomes a way to escape emotions rather than process them, it keeps emotions stuck in the body.

3. Distraction & Busyness

A packed schedule is one of the most socially acceptable ways to avoid feeling. Keeping busy—whether through work, social plans, or endless to-do lists—prevents us from slowing down enough to actually feel what’s beneath the surface.

Example: Constantly jumping from one task to the next, unable to sit in stillness without feeling restless or uncomfortable.

Busyness keeps emotions at bay, but it also keeps us disconnected from ourselves.

4. Suppression & Repression

Suppression is the conscious choice to push an emotion away. (“I don’t have time for this right now.”)

Repression is when emotions are buried unconsciously, often because we learned early on that certain emotions weren’t acceptable.

Example: Someone who never cries because they were taught that "being emotional is weak."

Over time, suppressed emotions don’t just disappear—they manifest in the body as tension, chronic pain, or stress-related illnesses.

5. Deflection & Humor

Humor is a great coping mechanism—until it’s used to bypass emotions entirely. Deflection happens when we shift attention away from our emotions by making jokes, changing the subject, or focusing on something else entirely.

Example: Instead of admitting to feeling hurt, someone might say, “Oh well, guess I’ll just die alone with my cats!”—turning vulnerability into a punchline.

While humor can lighten heavy emotions, it shouldn't replace actually feeling them.

6. Externalizing & Projection

Sometimes, rather than feeling our own emotions, we place them onto someone else. Projection happens when we see our unprocessed emotions reflected in others.

Example: Instead of acknowledging sadness, someone might get angry at their partner for not being emotionally available.

Externalizing emotions can create unnecessary conflict and keep us from taking responsibility for our own emotional world.

7. Minimization & Comparison

Minimization happens when we downplay our emotions or compare them to others as a way to dismiss them.

Example: “I shouldn’t be upset; other people have it worse.”

This kind of thinking invalidates our emotional experience. The truth is, suffering isn’t a competition—your emotions are real, and they deserve to be felt.

8. Over-Focusing on Others (Fawning & Caretaking)

If you grew up in an environment where your emotions weren’t acknowledged, you may have learned to focus on others instead. Caretaking or fawning (prioritizing others' needs to keep the peace) can become a way to avoid looking inward.

Example: Being the person who "fixes" everyone else's problems but never acknowledging your own pain.

This can create a sense of purpose, but it also leads to burnout and emotional disconnection.

9. Detachment & Dissociation

When emotions feel too overwhelming, some people detach completely. This can feel like numbness, a sense of floating outside of yourself, or even memory gaps.

Example: Not feeling anything in situations that should evoke an emotional response.

Dissociation can be a survival mechanism, but staying disconnected from emotions long-term prevents true healing.

10. Toxic Positivity & Forced Gratitude

While gratitude and optimism have their place, forcing positivity can become another form of avoidance.

Example: “Everything happens for a reason,” instead of admitting that something was painful or unfair.

True healing happens when we allow space for all emotions—not just the ones that feel good.

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Why Feeling Our Feelings is Imperative for Healing

Emotions don’t just disappear when we ignore them—they go underground, showing up in our bodies as tension, illness, or chronic stress. When we avoid feeling, we also cut ourselves off from our own intuition, joy, and aliveness.

Healing begins when we create safety in feeling.

This is where somatic therapy and sensorimotor art therapy come in. At Somatic Therapy NYC I use these modalities to help bridge the gap between the mind and body, creating a safe space to reconnect with emotions rather than suppress them.

Somatic Therapy focuses on how emotions live in the body, using movement, breath, and touch to help process stuck feelings.

Sensorimotor Art Therapy allows emotions to be expressed non-verbally through drawing, painting, or other creative mediums—bypassing the analytical mind and tapping into the body’s deeper wisdom.

Both approaches gently retrain the nervous system to tolerate emotions without overwhelm, creating space for integration and healing.

The goal isn’t to force emotions out—it’s to learn how to feel them in a way that feels safe. Because when we do, emotions can finally move through us rather than define us.

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Feeling isn’t always comfortable, but it’s the pathway back to ourselves. When we stop running from emotions and start listening to them, we open the door to deeper healing, connection, and freedom.

Are you ready to reconnect with yourself?